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Over the moon and under the porch—it’s B Day

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Over the moon and under the porch—it’s B Day

Holy Moly, me-oh-my-oh! I am doing my little happy dance all by myself. My long-awaited B Day is here. (No, I don’t mean my birthday, though it feels like it and then some.) This B is for my bare-naked book. Bare Naked at the Reality Dance, the book I’ve dreamed of and labored over for seven years is now in my hot little hands and up for order on Amazon. And last night, this website, so gorgeously designed by Shannon Bodie who also designed the book, went live for all the world to see. I can hardly stand it I’m so excited and, also, friggin’ frightened to death.

 

Yes, I am over the moon—jumping up, and up, like the cow with the spoon. And at the very same time, I am crouched under the back porch, hiding out like a scaredy-cat, afraid for my life (which is to say my self-image). And for those of you who know your yoga poses, or know me, that metaphorical cat-cow position is a familiar one for this yogini to find herself in. I’ll explain.

 

It’s heart vs. head all over again. I am the cow over moon because my heart is absolutely thrilled that the daunting work of writing, editing, packaging and publishing this book I’ve known for almost ever was mine to do, is done, and to my satisfaction. It feels right—and right now, finally exhilarating—to have arrived at this exact heart, mind and soul nourishing place. I want to savor the precious moment, which Shannon and I will do at our typical early morning call time, but tomorrow via Skype, and with the atypical help of mimosas, her brilliant idea.

 

But—and it’s a big one—I am also terrified (or think I am) because my ego-mind has few clues how this unconventional book of mine will land. Of course I want people to like it, and me. And so far only one of several people who’ve read the book seemed not to. A few kindly raved. But those enthusiastic early readers were not my brothers or sisters-in-law or the people my kids are married to. Back when the writing started, I knew I couldn’t publish it till my mother was dead. It wasn’t so much because I said questionable things about her; it was because I figured the feral spiritual voice that began coming through my pen in 2004 would knock her white socks off, challenging our already complicated relationship. I was afraid to let her know me that well.

 

Lest you think I am overreacting, my dear husband of several decades was shocked by my wild new voice, its radical ruminations and the overt spirituality that had shown up and taken over when I finally sat myself down to see what I had to say. In truth, I myself was taken aback by the words I had written, once they were typed up by my friend Carol Keller. What the hell’s going on here? My mind wondered. Where did this Suzanne come from? I still don’t know for sure, other than to say I imagine the universal heart, and a man called Bapuji, must have played a part.

 

I do know that whenever we surrender enough of our stuff to show up as we really are, it’s a very thing good. Whether we give up willingly or whether we’re kicking and screaming, surrender is good for us and it’s good for a world that can’t wait for our light. So here I am, kids, in all my glory glory. Take me or leave me. But if there’s any way I can inspire you to dare to unleash your most outrageous self and let ‘er rip, I want to hear about it. And won’t that just be reward enough for all my fear? Yes it will. Thanks for the comments I hope you’ll want to leave.

 

Categories: A Writer's Life, Inspiration
  • http://Idin'thaveawebsite,oramIsupposedtoputiinthenameofyours? Mary

    Suzanne,

    Your enthusiasm is palpable, I can feel the energy and excitement right here right now…over cyberspace. I WANT to read the book more than ever now. You sound like you have the energy of a six yr. old right now, and I am envious, as I feel like I have the energy of a 62 yr. old! I love your enthusiasm, and you deserve every moment of it. Already your words in your blog are feeding my soul. It is leaving me wanting more knitty-gritty and wanting to show up as I really am. Blessings dear one, and keep on writing! Love, Mary

  • Topsy

    Suzanne, I love your blog. Keep writing. And after reading some of the excerpts for your book, I am anxious to read the whole thing. I am already inspired by what I have read. Just ordered the book from amazon.com. I wish you all the best in this endeavor.

  • Cindy Hamon-Hill

    Suzanne,

    The website looks terrific! I love that it appears so
    graceful, genuine, and complimentary to the book itself. The overall
    impressions I was left with were “warm and inviting”…more than
    that…dynamic and engaging!… with a wonderful splash of your own
    energy and personality that shines through. I particularly like how
    easy it is for a visitor to participate with you – to read your pages
    and hear your voice. Your website, like you, ‘dances’. I love it. I’m happy for you.

  • http://www.ConsciousLifeQuest.com Karen Latvala

    Suzanne, I am so excited to see that you have gotten the book published and that it’s on Amazon!!! Reading your feelings about B-day gives me an intimate look at how it feels to have accomplished this. What a journey!

    Congratulations on sticking with this labor of love through all the ups and downs! The book cover is stunning and the website is beautifully done.

    Right now I am holding the physical manifestation of your work–the book–in my hand. Can’t wait to read it! Congratulations and thank you!

  • http://shalomormsby.com Shalom Ormsby

    Congratulations on the completion of your seven year spiritual odyssey. The fat that you traveled all the way to the realm of your fears reveals how devoted to your journey you are – devoted to traveling beyond the domain of conventional, comfortable “reality.”

    Your process reminds me of this quote by Joseph Campbell: “We have not even to risk the adventure alone; for the heroes of all time have gone before us; the labyrinth is thoroughly known; we have only to follow the thread of the hero-path. And where we had thought to find an abomination, we shall find a God; where we had thought to slay another, we shall slay ourselves; where we had thought to travel outward, we shall come to the center of our own existence; where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with all the world.”

  • Suzanne Grenager

    Thanks so very much to all of you– Mary, Topsy, Cindy, Karen and Shalom–for what feels like your unconditional support of my journey and its fruits. Each one of you wrote words that deeply touched my heart. And, Shalom, the Campbell quote you shared, may be the most apt and powerful words I’ve seen to describe the very essence of that odyssey of mine. I especially love the closing phrase that “where we had thought to be alone, we shall be with the world.” It is precisely that truth that makes the sometimes terrible struggles to “come to the center of our own existence” altogether worth it, and then some. With more thanks and much love to all.

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